I recorded a podcast episode this morning. I unexpectedly had a few minutes. The timing was just right.
This week was a doozy but in the best way possible. It started of with me having to make big (good) decisions for one of my kids that will mean more time together but the whole situation felt a little scary at the time. By scary I mean unexpected and out of my control, which I do not like!
I love motherhood. I've been a stay-at-home, work-at-home mom my entire mom life and it's by design. I chose it. But even in choosing it, there are times other things, good things catch my eye.
It's been confusing for me at times which way I should go. I had a strong urging to go into full-time ministry training a couple of years ago but being a single mom at the time dealing with quite a bit behind the scenes, it was too much for my plate and frankly, was taking a lot time away from the kids. There was a time I was faced with leaving them home alone to go and fulfill an obligation and thought, "this isn't right."
But I knew I felt God calling me to be in ministry. I ended up putting more energy into a different ministry avenue, one I could run from home and it exploded in growth within weeks. It was one I didn't have to comprimise my time with my kids at all, but it did take me finding people to teach me and coach me. So I did enter ministry and training for it, but not how I expected.
When I put my family back in the center of my life, I saw huge changes in my children- especially my firstborn. She needed a lot of discipleship at the time time. The thing is: she didn't seem like it. She's responsible and self-sufficient, but as I'm learning, teens need just as much as toddlers. She needed help being pointed to God and learning how to make Jesus her rock.
We listened to sermons togther, prayed together, read the Bible together, and talked and talked and talked. Hours of my first ministry: my family.
She ended up going to Bible school and is happy as can be. It feels like a miracle. It is a miracle. I thank God.
Fast forward to two weeks ago. I had a dream wherein I was watching a line of people learning a dance. I knew they were being instructed in their work in ministry and serving God. It was beautful and amazing. I saw my daughter in the line and was so happy. She was learning and looked so cute doing it.
I told her about the dream to encourage her. But I didn't tell her the second part of the dream.
In the second part, I was watching the people learning the dance, but was wondering where I fit in. Could I be in the line? I couldn't quite find my place to "jump in" and wondered if it was too late. I felt like I'd missed a train or sorts.
Then today, I listened to a voice note from my oldest daughter where she told me she'd heard a Word from an evangelist named Ted Shuttlesworth Sr. who I'd been trying to go see for weeks. She'd seen him in a service!
The Word was about a mother and daughter. The mother was wondering if she'd missed an opportunity but what God had wanted her to know was that her job had been to train her daughter and prepare her for serving God. My oldest told me this and she did, I felt such a lightness and gratitude in my heart. I felt a peace I didn't know was missing!
Society doesn't really see motherhood as all that special. But God confirmed to me in that moment that yes, taking care of my kids is ministry and yes, He's proud of me, and yes, it all means so much. I am in the right place. I'm right where I'm supposed to be.
It may seem silly to need to hear that, but try being a stay-at-home mom. There is very little validation from the outside world when the bulk of your "work" is invisible. There is no public applause. The things we do are enjoyed by the people closest to us only.
It was such a blessing. I needed to hear it.
It was made doubly amazing because this morning, when I recorded a podcast that was about a dream I had last night (the one that is entitled "I Hate the Church"), I ended up talking about this subject near the end. I didn't even know there was a Word for me about it!
In the podcast episode, I talked about how another opportunity came up for me recently. It was to get my Master's degree in Christian counseling and looked SO atttractive. I have my Bachelor's degree in Psychology and a Master's degree was my initial plan, but I got married right after university graduation, then had my oldest a year later.
With everything that happened this week though, I decided to put that on hold. Every hour in my life is spoken for with the time I spend with my husband, my kids, and then work I do from home. I don't have spare time. We only have so many hours in the day and to start a program, I'd have to take from a place I simply cannot.
I know how hard school is. If I have the choice between doing some reading at night for a class or watching a show with my husband, I want to be able to choose the latter and connect with him. I know it sounds dumb maybe, but I do.
If I have the choice between counselling a stranger or counselling one of my two kids still at home who still need so much of my attention, I have to choose them.
I was a little bummed when I once again had to put certain dreams on hold, but when I heard the Word from Ted Shuttlesworth I was so encouraged. It just reminded me that God sees the work of mothers and while the world might not give us accolades or pats on the back, He does. He's proud of me.
I remember hearing once that there will be mothers who stand before Jesus, having done nothing for Him publicly- no ministry, no podcast, no books, no speeches, no sermons- who will hear "Well done, good and faithful servant," just for the things they've done at home faithfully. The folded laundry. The meals. The kisses. The praying for a child in the middle of the night. The counters wiped down. The dressing children for church. The children talked to when they needed it most. The tears wiped. The laughter. The watching them play video games they love and talking to them about it.
We'll hear "Well done, good and faithful servant" for that.
Jesus is proud of you.
If you'd like to listen to the episode, it's below. It's about how Jesus is bringing back those who have been lost from the flock. In the second part I talk about motherhood. H
ave an awesome day!
love, Bunmi
Recipe I mentioned in the episode: https://www.biggerbolderbaking.com/no-yeast-pizza-dough-recipe/
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